We broke up. I took my own advice; gave it over 2 months of no contact. We reconnected and I should have known better to think that we were headed anywhere but disaster.

A fancy little resort room in Coronado. A great dinner and magical conversation followed by a serenade of country songs.  And despite how amazing it was I couldn’t ignore my gut.

And then the gig was up; the same man that had inflicted guilt for premarital sex, religiously for over 2 years had been simultaneously lying to me for over 2 years.

I have never claimed to be a saint and have had my fair share of blameworthy events throughout this whirlwind of a life I have lived. I have however reached a point in my life that integrity is worth more than gold. It’s not just a good idea or something to cherish only when it benefits you. Integrity is something that can change the course of a life. When you refuse to be honest, you lie to yourself and you manipulate others.

I want love and respect that is free flowing, not bought with bullshit wrapped up in fancy bows.

It can be a very difficult task to realize that the person lying is flawed and that your inability to see through the insane bullshit doesn’t make you an idiot. Lying on a hotel bathroom floor, crying and puking over the thought that you have been made a fool is a pretty sobering moment. I take these things into consideration now as I have lightly ventured back into the dating world. If i’m not who I should be, I’m not seeking people to validate the void in my character.

And this isn’t just for romantic relationships….integrity is a lifestyle. It should be applied to everything you do.

There’s a number of reasons people lie or manipulate others. The most obvious is because they’re fucking cowards. They brew over the worst possible consequence of telling the truth and can’t fathom living in that reality. They tightly grasp at the idea that denial is their ally. These people are insecure, weak-minded and selfish.  I know because I have been that person before and I think we all have dabbled in spinning stories to “save our ass.”

Then there are those people who claim to want to protect someone’s feelings….

Here’s an idea: Be the person you want to be. If you want to be viewed as an honest, caring, forgiving person then fucking be it. It’s easy to lie and manipulate. It’s easy to make excuses for awful behavior. It is not easy to be honest but it makes for an easy nights sleep.

We all fuck up from time to time but the first step to any recovery is admitting to the problem. And I think I have more respect for those who make mistakes and own up to them. Having not an ounce of remorse is a lack of character in my book…even worse is blaming people for your inability to be a decent human being.

In the past I used the term “brutal honesty” but I now know the only thing brutal is the lies we feed one another.

I have every reason to be an asshole and treat people the way I have been treated but that just isn’t me. I rather walk a lonely road of honest solitude than be surrounded by people who are manipulated into appreciating what I’m pretending to be. Been there, done that is a scar of compassion for my fellow man. Pretending to be perfect makes you useless in the development of others let alone yourself.

So as we close out this year and make commitments to ourselves for better brighter futures, I highly suggest making a promise to be honest. I can only hope that’s what you’ll be doing when the ball drops….