Life has a way of throwing Molotov cocktails straight at our faces, but sometimes it’s not the unprecedented, like failing health, death or a lay off. Most of the time, it just so happens we are refusing to remove ourselves from relationships that resemble a line of fire. We much rather stay put and desperately try to duck, yell, pray, and convince that firebomb it should cease fire because honestly we don’t deserve to be the target of a fire storm. Here’s an idea: How about picking up your feet and changing your position or perspective?

5 simple steps to get through a breakup #uncaged.

1. Get Real-

Stop placing more value on the lives around you than your own. If the other person was so great, you wouldn’t feel like petrified dog shit sitting on the couch across from them. Are you holding back from things you like in order to compromise? Yeah… stop that. How much is the other person sacrificing or making an effort? Exactly. Now put your feet flat on the ground and get real.

2. Remove and replace-

Cut all ties (if legitimately possible). If you are looking for excuses to keep in contact you will find a new one everyday until the day you die. Remove all photos, delete social media connections, emails, texts, and phone numbers. If there’s hope for the future (you’re probably lying to yourself) you can start fresh, Ms. or Mr. Still (in) Denial. Give yourself 60 Days no contact. In that time you can clear your head and replace the time you were agonizing over trying to make things better with healthy activities. Go back to the gym, stick your head in a book, ride your bike, etc. Write a list of things YOU want to do and GO DO THEM. Spiteful? Write a list of the things they didn’t want to do and go do them, by yourself.

3. Solicit support-

You can’t do this on your own. Start praying or meditating. Ask your friends to invite you out and to check on you. Admitting that you’re in a weird transition period is part of getting real. Allow yourself to go out, meet new people and enjoy YOUR life. This is YOUR life by the way.

4. Enlist some discipline-

Set goals. Write them down. Create a plan. Announce your goals. Ask your friends to keep you accountable (if they let you slip, get new friends). Get moving. Nobody can live your life for you. A marathon isn’t completed without that first step.  Do this right MEOW. Okay? Good.

5. Take blame and analyze your fault-

You, yes YOU are NOT perfect. Whether you’re the jerk face or the person the jerk face happened to or maybe neither of you were jerk faces (highly unlikely) and it just didn’t mesh well, learn something about yourself. What behavior did you allow to cross a boundary? What red flags did you ignore? What part of the break down was your fault? Examine it. Own it. And fail to repeat it once you are ready to date again. Don’t take ALL the blame. Be sure to examine their faults too and look out for those characteristics in the future.

The steps are simple but not painless. Consider it growing pains. Life is too short, beautiful, and pretty damn amazing at times to allow yourself to do anything other than experience it all. Stop caging yourself in a situation that eats your soul. Become the person you want to be with, because honestly, you will be in your own company for life.